Harvey the Turtle

I just upgraded to wordpress 3.0. Now it’s time to go under my log and rest.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

Strange that my owner gave this to me the day after I complained about my food. Now, I’ve heard rumors that they’re trying to set me up on a blind date. Maybe this is their way of preparing me. I don’t know. All I know is that I love this melon! Keep it comin’!

These days I’ve been feeling lazy. My human owners keep trying to feed me, but I don’t want to eat. Not what they want me to eat. They don’t understand that I want blueberries or cantalope, fresh, not old. I like the canned food, but I’m getting bored of it. This is the season for fruity, fresh and very moist food!

The male human, I guess his name is Ramon, has taken me outside a couple times. Which is good because sometimes he plays with a white ball and some kind of piece of wood w/ a handle on it. That ball bounces around the house…I just don’t want it to hit me. I hear him saying, “I’m going to play ping ping.” What about playing with me outside, where I can roam and enjoy the breeze and nice animal sounds like bird chirping and crickets? I can also look for yummy earthworms!

Oh well. I like my log.

Today I woke up early. My second owner took my log cave away, picked me up and put me in front of my breakfast. Ah, breakfast in bed…I took a bath, and now I’m ready to have my log back. I like caves and crevices, where I can hide and have time to myself. Oh, and by the way, my second owner, a nice female human, let me watch the Today Show with her. At least that’s what she said it was.

Humans are wierd. They stare at a rectangular box when they could instead watch the birds at the bird feeder. Aren’t birds more interesting than romanticized images?

I’m curious, Harvey. How aren’t the birds romanticized images? Aren’t they simply images that your brain detects and then interprets as birds eating seeds?

That was my 1st owner, a tall male with strange, artificial, transparent eyes over his real eyes.

Uh, I can hear you Harv.

Maybe to you humans birds are romanticized images that your brain processes as birds. But my eyes see something totally different. I like to think that we turtles have a down to Earth view of the world.

Of course! You are very near to the ground on your four legs.

Yes. That’s why we’re more grounded than you.

Funny…

Birds are in fact fantastic creatures of the sky. They have wings and they can fly. They survive in harsh conditions with only the feathers on their backs. Their language is more complex than humans are capable of. They are beautiful animals. I’m still confused about that TV commercial of yours that implies that colored birds are more valued by your society.

What are you talking about?

You know, that commercial for bird seed that claims to attract more colorful birds than the other brands of seed.

Oh. Yeah, took me a while to figure out how they did that, if it’s true. I don’t think it works as well as it claims.

So what if it does? Wouldn’t that mean that brown birds are left hungry?

I see what you mean. And you’re right. That’s why I don’t buy that seed. I appreciate ALL birds, but it’s nice to see a blue jay or cardinal every now and then.

Yup. I understand your human logic now. So, how would they attract a higher number of colorful birds?

Simple. Well, kind of. They had to do extensive research first. But long story short, they must have figured out what kind of bird seed attracts certain types of birds. Then, they simply target the birds known to have more color, like the indigo bunting, cardinal and goldfinch. It doesn’t mean that the seed won’t attract the brown birds – normally female. But it means there will be a higher number of the colored varieties of birds, because they are the ones that like that kind of seed.

Fascinating.

Isn’t it? We humans are smart. We can figure out how to attract the birds we want to see.

No, you don’t know what I mean. I mean that it’s amazing that you humans actually need to do that kind of research. You don’t already know how to attract those birds? Shoot, I could attract large birds if you want.

Oh…Well, how do you attract large birds?

Simple. Just put a chipmunk or squirrel in the middle of a large field. A bald eagle will spot it from 2 miles in the sky, swoop down and have a feast! That’s why I like to hide in small crevices.

Oh, I could have told you that.

Why didn’t you then? These humans…Well, I have to go back to my log and rest. I like resting. Breakfast was nice, but can you tell your female mate that I want that orange, sweet fruit, or some of those blue balls?

Sure Harv. You mean cantaloupe and blueberries.

Whatever you call them. They’re tasty…and very colorful.