Hi. For the few human fans I have, and for the huge amount of my turtle fans, I have installed a new “theme” on my website, the WordPress bloggers’ word for “website design.” It features a wonderful backdrop of grass, one of my favorite landscapes! The theme is still fun and exciting, and will hopefully add some eye appeal to my human clientele. Sit back and enjoy the design and my always interesting posts!

- Harvey

I’ve been going on a fast for the last week and a half or so, maybe a little less. My caretakers keep trying to give me a wide variety of stuff, including mango, various kinds of lettuce, the usual canned food, blueberries, rasberries, etc., but what they don’t know is I want something more meaty.

So, a couple days ago I had a wonderful snack. Well, it wasn’t out of this world, but it was what I wanted – meat. I saw a moth flying around and I jumped into action, literally. I got light on my toes and ran after it. It wasn’t flying very well, it was weak, or dumb, or both. So finally I grabbed it. It struggled and got out of my mouth, but I grabbed it again, this time with a strong grip.

I started chewing, and it was a tasty treat. I finally just swallowed it whole, after I crushed it down to the right size. And then I went right back to my usual business, which at that time was working out with the human-sized weight, which the tall male says is five pounds.

- Harvey

Last night I ate cantaloup, one of my favorite desserts! And it was very ripe. I ate until my stomach was full, mmm mmmmm. Then I had another dream.

My care-takers took me on a trip (in this dream). We went to a strange park with a lot of different animal species running around and behind structures. Mostly chickens and other birds were running around. Then, a lion came up to us and asked if we wanted anything from the kitchen. My owners asked for a Coke. Then I stuck my head out of my shell and, to my complete surprise, I was larger than they were. I looked down on them and figured out that it wasn’t that we were in a park, but an over-sized plastic bin. And it wasn’t that I was in the bin. I was looking over the bin and saw that my care-takers were in it. Over the next few days they would often jump around trying to get out, and I would pick them up with my huge claws and scratch them by accident, put them down on the floor and watch them play.

I looked behind me and noticed a lot of other turtles of my kind, also watching the silly humans. They were taking notes about how the two-legged species communicated using strange sounds. And they would look to me because I was the only one who could understand them. So I translated what they said. And then we watched as they would stare at this large, flat window-like object for hours; the object had figures and another world inside of it. We wondered why something like that was interesting to them.

And that’s when I woke up. Weird dream.

For the record, one of my owners said that “cantaloup” was mis-spelled, that it should have an “e.” But I looked it up and the all-knowing dictionary told me, in your strange language and communication methods, that the word can also be spelled without the letter “e” at the end. Yes, I know, it looks strange to you, but that’s not my fault – it isn’t my language, it’s yours.

Till next post…

Harvey, caught by the paparazzi while taking a stroll

I know I haven’t been keeping up with my blog. I’ve been busy reorganizing my plastic bin where I live. I love excavating, and going into my log to hide. Well, I had a dream last night that made me want to write about it for my few fans. Maybe you all can tell me what it means. I also intend to use this as the re-start of my blogging, where I’ll make journal entries.

So, here’s my dream in a journal-entry style:

A large pond somewhere in Massachusetts. It’s humid, summer hot, perfect for resting in the shade. There are small waves in the pond; well, ripples more like it. Thick vegetation around me, just the way I like it.

I feel elated to be in my natural environment, with plenty of nooks and crannies under/in which to hide. I look around for food sources. AH! A worm! Must snap my jaws before it escapes underground! Yummy. What’s this? A berry? Nice color to it. Tastes good too.

I have a red bow on my back, and I’ve been lubricated with a pungent oil, smells like olive oil. Strange. But it leaves my body and shell very clean, perfect for the ladies.

It’s 5pm, breezy and cool now, colorful leaves on trees, very pleasant ambiance. Very natural.

I hear a soft thud, then another, like a rock hitting another rock. Footsteps, four-legged, with a shell like me, but bigger. She’s colorful like me, with specks of color in random patterns, muscular legs. She walks past me as if she wants me to notice her.

I plan to take a dip in the pond, drink water and take a bath. My new home. Then, I plan to seek a hiding spot and sleep till tomorrow morning. But when I get out after my bath, I hear more thumps, this time louder they engage my automatic defense, so I pull my head and limbs inward into my shell.

And then I woke up. I opened my eyes from my deep sleep, rudely awakened, and realized that the thumping was my human caretaker Ramon as he walked to my bin on the hardwood floor. I woke up in his scary palm with legs like a huge spider. He’s looking at me with awe, a smile, using voice inflections from high to low. He says I’m cute. And there next to him is what I believe to be his mate, w/ more hair on her head than him. She’s telling him to put me down and leave me alone. They think I don’t understand what they’re saying. But I do.

Anyway, I wonder what that dream meant. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. I will rest again. But before I do, I must take a bath.

I just upgraded to wordpress 3.0. Now it’s time to go under my log and rest.

Yesterday, I ate 2 blueberries cut in half and served on my fancy shmancy flat dish! I ate them in only a few minutes! They told me the berries were from the Waltham, MA farmers’ market. Thumbs up to the farmers! Give me more!

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

Strange that my owner gave this to me the day after I complained about my food. Now, I’ve heard rumors that they’re trying to set me up on a blind date. Maybe this is their way of preparing me. I don’t know. All I know is that I love this melon! Keep it comin’!

These days I’ve been feeling lazy. My human owners keep trying to feed me, but I don’t want to eat. Not what they want me to eat. They don’t understand that I want blueberries or cantalope, fresh, not old. I like the canned food, but I’m getting bored of it. This is the season for fruity, fresh and very moist food!

The male human, I guess his name is Ramon, has taken me outside a couple times. Which is good because sometimes he plays with a white ball and some kind of piece of wood w/ a handle on it. That ball bounces around the house…I just don’t want it to hit me. I hear him saying, “I’m going to play ping ping.” What about playing with me outside, where I can roam and enjoy the breeze and nice animal sounds like bird chirping and crickets? I can also look for yummy earthworms!

Oh well. I like my log.

Today I woke up early. My second owner took my log cave away, picked me up and put me in front of my breakfast. Ah, breakfast in bed…I took a bath, and now I’m ready to have my log back. I like caves and crevices, where I can hide and have time to myself. Oh, and by the way, my second owner, a nice female human, let me watch the Today Show with her. At least that’s what she said it was.

Humans are wierd. They stare at a rectangular box when they could instead watch the birds at the bird feeder. Aren’t birds more interesting than romanticized images?

I’m curious, Harvey. How aren’t the birds romanticized images? Aren’t they simply images that your brain detects and then interprets as birds eating seeds?

That was my 1st owner, a tall male with strange, artificial, transparent eyes over his real eyes.

Uh, I can hear you Harv.

Maybe to you humans birds are romanticized images that your brain processes as birds. But my eyes see something totally different. I like to think that we turtles have a down to Earth view of the world.

Of course! You are very near to the ground on your four legs.

Yes. That’s why we’re more grounded than you.

Funny…

Birds are in fact fantastic creatures of the sky. They have wings and they can fly. They survive in harsh conditions with only the feathers on their backs. Their language is more complex than humans are capable of. They are beautiful animals. I’m still confused about that TV commercial of yours that implies that colored birds are more valued by your society.

What are you talking about?

You know, that commercial for bird seed that claims to attract more colorful birds than the other brands of seed.

Oh. Yeah, took me a while to figure out how they did that, if it’s true. I don’t think it works as well as it claims.

So what if it does? Wouldn’t that mean that brown birds are left hungry?

I see what you mean. And you’re right. That’s why I don’t buy that seed. I appreciate ALL birds, but it’s nice to see a blue jay or cardinal every now and then.

Yup. I understand your human logic now. So, how would they attract a higher number of colorful birds?

Simple. Well, kind of. They had to do extensive research first. But long story short, they must have figured out what kind of bird seed attracts certain types of birds. Then, they simply target the birds known to have more color, like the indigo bunting, cardinal and goldfinch. It doesn’t mean that the seed won’t attract the brown birds – normally female. But it means there will be a higher number of the colored varieties of birds, because they are the ones that like that kind of seed.

Fascinating.

Isn’t it? We humans are smart. We can figure out how to attract the birds we want to see.

No, you don’t know what I mean. I mean that it’s amazing that you humans actually need to do that kind of research. You don’t already know how to attract those birds? Shoot, I could attract large birds if you want.

Oh…Well, how do you attract large birds?

Simple. Just put a chipmunk or squirrel in the middle of a large field. A bald eagle will spot it from 2 miles in the sky, swoop down and have a feast! That’s why I like to hide in small crevices.

Oh, I could have told you that.

Why didn’t you then? These humans…Well, I have to go back to my log and rest. I like resting. Breakfast was nice, but can you tell your female mate that I want that orange, sweet fruit, or some of those blue balls?

Sure Harv. You mean cantaloupe and blueberries.

Whatever you call them. They’re tasty…and very colorful.

That’s right: the oil spill is the responsibility of all humans. You are the ones who drive cars and have a love affair with plastic. BP should foot the bill, but EVERYONE should help clean it up. I can say that my owner, Ramon, did not let a cashier use a plastic bag when he bought ice cream. And it was very good ice cream too. Leave it to Ben and Jerry’s to satisfy the taste buds.

Wait a minute! You had ice cream, Harvey?!

That was my owner, Ramon. One moment please…YES, I DID. THANK YOU! <he he he> Anyway, to change the subject…

My owners put a bird feeder outside, and I can plainly see the birds coming and going, fighting, sharing space, and all in all being very happy. It’s nice to see the brown, red and black birds. Although the big black birds and blue jays are a bit scary. Large birds of prey can also be intimidating, but they don’t hang out at the bird feeders. Still, makes me think about how scary it would be to be outside with those flying animals with huge claws.